Burnout While Parenting
I have a confession - I’ve only ever experienced burnout as a parent. I have another confession - I think parenting is the thing that caused my burnout. That’s really hard to admit. I want to believe that I have exactly everything I need for my child. I want to believe that parenting is not too much for me. I want to believe that I can do it all, lean in, you know?
Apparently I’m not the only one. In August of 2024, the Surgeon General issued an advisory on the well-being of parents stating that parents are more likely than other adults to report high levels of stress. I would venture to guess that most parents are not surprised by this. And if anything, it’s a sigh of relief knowing that you are not the only one that feels intense levels of stress.
So why is this happening? People have been parents throughout the history of time. What’s the big deal? The surgeon general states several factors for the increase in stress which include money, increased demands on time, more concern about kids’ health and safety, feeling lonely, the need to manage technology and social media, parents’ mental health issues, and social factors such as violence in the community, poverty and discrimination.
Although I haven’t lived in every time period in history, I would argue that it’s not the parenting itself that has changed, but the society around us while we are parenting. We are squeezed for every single resource that makes parenting manageable - time, money, and our community. Take a moment to think about these three important resources, which resource feels the most depleted for you?
Burnout stinks no matter what stage of life you are in. It feels terrible, it makes you not enjoy life, and it doesn’t have a quick fix. However, going through burnout while you are parenting provides unique challenges. The biggest challenge is that burnout requires space to take care of yourself. Speaking of our resources again, time might be the biggest resource that decreases when you have a child. I can remember feeling burnout when my son was young, I knew that noise was a big factor in increasing my stress. Having the ability to sit in a quiet room probably would have done wonders for my nervous system. But I had an active, extroverted toddler for whom quiet time was quite literally torture. My only break was when he napped and it was just never enough time.
One other factor that makes burnout while parenting more difficult may affect only some parents…it’s your child’s temperament. I remember reading a study in grad school that said if a baby had a more difficult temperament, it could increase the mother’s anxiety. No duh. But still, it was comforting for me to see that study. If you have a child that is “strong-willed” or tends to be fussier or more defiant or a child that has a mental or physical disability, I would argue that your likelihood for developing burnout increases. The child may require more from you emotionally or there may be an increase in noise in your house or there may just be more of a mental load to carry. Or all three.
If you relate to parental burnout, first of all, I’m sorry. It’s a really difficult thing to go through. It can feel lonely to look around you, feel like other parents are killing it or at least doing just fine, and you are floundering. It makes you feel inadequate as a parent.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if this is you. I offer coaching that will help you find calm again. It will help you find purpose and meaning in your parenting and in your life which will ultimately help your burnout. You’re not alone and your life can be different!
